In the city of the future

In a dream I saw you there in the city of the future
You had a day to leave so I helped you gather up your things
We didn't know why but they said you had to go; we couldn't question
You didn't look back when you said goodbye to me

It's as it should be
Don't overthink it, no, you've got to move on
Time keeps passing and so just go your way
It is what it is, so what can we do
We've always gotta move to something new
So just go your way

And when it's my time will I follow your way without a question
Or will I hold on with all the strength I have in me
I won't know until I'm there, but I hope I'd be the strong one
To keep moving without breaking

I've fought destiny
And I've seen that it leaves nothing left of me
Just let go
When it's all out of control

It's as it should be
Don't overthink it, no, you've got to move on
Time keeps passing and so just go your way
It is what it is, so what can we do
We've always gotta move to something new
So just go your way

(This was based on a dream I had that I wrote here: http://dreamingatmidnight.blogspot.com/2011/04/in-city-of-future.html)

Sublime

Tonight, you shone gold and brilliance all down the eastern seaboard.
This is a far cry from what I remember
As you stood in front of me, daring me, erasing the past
And replacing the old songs with a four-to-the-floor beat and a smile
Illuminating New York City at midnight
As memories of California fade into the darkness.

Tonight, I returned in my mind
To the night I was singing a song of springtime,
And saw you standing there. Back, to the right
I beckoned you to come up front,
Sit there, listen, hear, experience, live
And yet you were still small sullen
But tonight
When I called you to the front
You came and sang and experienced and lived and springtime bloomed again
No one's heart was hurting
No pain washed away with the soap from the dishes
I think back on then
And how that moment shaped my mind's construction of you
Saw in your name still, small, sullen

But tonight your name takes on an entire new meaning.

Tonight it wasn't in my mind, no;
It was in front of me the whole time
The joy, the sublime exuberance --
Words cannot express this
It is the state I live in
How surprising to find another native!
And as I saw life itself spring into motion
I myself hung back and became still, small, silent
Taking in the energy that usually I express

Maybe we are not one-dimensional
Maybe we need to give and take
To be angry and to be joyful
To gain a deeper understanding
To see the shades of life from bright to dark

I keep learning...

Oceans are brutal creatures of passive aggression

A blue-green luminescence emerges
From the Gulf, the sum product of
Gravity, surface tension and phosphorus.
The beauty, though scientifically explainable,
Is otherworldly. If it were not for the cold,
I could watch these waves forever.
And watch I ought to, as this gulf's waves
Will crash on the shore, leaving dampness on rocks
Then evaporate, condense and rain down
Into the same ocean which presently separates us -
Co-conspirators in the delay of our meeting.
Some might say that the journey was necessary,
Or ultimately my decision, that the oceans are blameless
But I don't believe them, for I could leave it all tonight
Board an ocean liner headed west
And return to you - but the journey would still take weeks
The vastness of the waters keeps your arms from mine
But we will overcome this distance
Day by day a little closer
And my heart is filled with ocean water tears
And the fire of love
Which keep part of you with me no matter
How many oceans stand in our way
So they won't win; although they are strong,
We are stronger; and the love that binds us together
Is my ocean liner to your shore.

Life Soundtrack: Javeda Zindagi

This is the first song I thought of for this series, really. And yet it's taken me this long to write about it. That's because I don't know exactly what to write. This song echoes in the deepest part of me, it has a resonance that I don't even have words for.

I fell asleep to this song almost every night for six months of my life. Six months that, looking back, were the shining pinnacle of my life, despite myself. Every day was a fight. But every day was a small victory. I cannot believe that I lived with so much energy and so little fear. And every night.. some morning-nights... I slowed down. My heartbeat, brain waves, slowed to the steady beat of the tabla and I drifted off into any one of a million parallel universes, to wake up hours later ready for the next brilliant moment.

This is quite possibly my favorite song of all time.

Here are lyrics and a translation.. I found the translation online and improved it some, in a non-literal sort of way :)

tose naina laage piya saaware
nahi bas mein ab yeh jiya saaware
mohabbat to ek javeda zindagi hai

Your eyes met mine, my love
This heart has gone wild, my love
Love... is eternal life

tose naina laage mili roshni
tose man jo laaga mili zindagi
mohabbat to ek javeda zindagi hai

When your eyes met mine, I finally saw
When your soul met mine, I finally lived
Love... is eternal life

mohabbat ki hai daastaan zindagi
mohabbat na ho to kahaan zindagi
mohabbat to hai javeda zindagi hai

The story of love is life
Without love, there is no life
Love... is eternal life

shamaa ko pighalne ka armaan kyun hai
patange ko jalne ka armaan kyun hai
issi shauq ka intehaan zindagi hai

Why does the lamp desire to burn ?
Why does the moth desire to burn in its flame ?
Life... is this sort of desire for infinite love

mohabbat jise baksh de zindagani
nahin maut par khatm uski kahani

Whososever is given life through love
Gains immortality...

kaise jiya jaaye ... ishq bin?
How can life go on without love?

nahin koi insaan mohabbat se khaali
har ek ruh pyaasi, har ek dil sawaali

No one is devoid of love
Every spirit is thirsty, every heart is searching

mohabbat jahaan wahaan zindagi hai
mohabbat na ho to kahaan zindagi hai

Where there is love, there is life

Without love, where then could there be life?

Life Soundtrack - What A Good Boy

Barenaked Ladies - What A Good Boy

Freshman year of college, finally, I was discovering some new music. Went on a trip to New Mexico with some classmates. Met a boy from Louisiana who played the guitar, among other instruments. I was smitten. He didn't even notice me.

This was one of those songs that he played on that trip... when I came back to the dorm, I immediately went out to the record store and bought the CD. And maybe because of the boy, maybe not, I just heard it so much more clearly. Could hear every instrument, the guitar, the fiddle, the piano, all the instruments he played, and their parts making up the whole. My memories of those days are brightly colored with the tones of these different instruments all mixing together to make this beautiful, if cynical, song.

But isn't that how we respond to life - sometimes in awe of beauty, sometimes with a cynical eye?

It was easy to forget about the boy. But I still listen to each chorus a little more attentively, for those quiet parts that can go missed if you're not careful, the melodies in the background that add to the earnestness of the song, the notes that make it believable.

The wind has changed

Just wrote this tonight. Was thinking about the years when I sat in between decisions, not knowing where to go, what path to follow. I wish I'd had this song then.

The wind has changed
Is it a shift of consciousness
Is it a tender sweet caress
That blows on and leaves me here
The wind has changed
Will it take me away
Or will I remain the same
Or will I get swept away
The wind has changed

And if I don't go
Am I letting life pass me by?
Or do I hear its sweetest sweet reply
"Stand strong and fight"
But if I heed its call
I don't know where it leads
Could my best days be all behind me?
Which way is right?

The wind has changed
And so have I
I call to it
Don't get no reply
It's up to me
To decide who I will be

Life Soundtrack: She Will Be Loved

Maroon 5 - She Will Be Loved

2007. I felt so focused and so sure about everything. I thought I could control the whole world if only I was in the right frame of mind, but that's another song and another entry. The only thing I wasn't very sure of was myself.

But I found good friends. 3am friends, do nothing and feel at home friends, singing friends, conversation friends, be there when you need them friends. One of them was all of these things.

Some part of me, though, never quite believed that someone like that would want to hang around with someone like me. And so I hesitated, didn't say what I should have, said what I shouldn't have, thought constantly of the future when I would leave and lose these shining times, let myself drift away. And did not come back. Maybe it mattered, maybe not, but years later, I still think that I let something good pass by without realizing it.

When I went to that new city, I had no regrets. When I returned a year and a half later, I was full of them. But my first regret was that I didn't let go of all those things and be the friend that I was so lucky to have.

I will never hear this song without remembering the best of times.

It's not always rainbows and butterflies, it's compromise that moves us along
My heart is full and my door's always open, you come any time you want-