Thursday, September 5, 2013

Silence

written September 15, 2000

For awhile I need this silence
In order to comprehend
Or simply to remember that this truly is September
Beyond the shadows
Here and now
Without and within
And with all that I ever am
I have decided to live in pursuit
Of what is gentle, what is beautiful
And find the meaning in the patterns
In the subtle ways I will change
To love the meaning in itself; the noblest end
But now I will live in this beauty
This September
When the spotlight moon illuminates this terran stage
Through the trees; in the light everything rebecomes the words I wrote
Beyond the shadows
Living in autumn in perfection of the image
Reaffirming dreams
And drawing them to conclusion: chapter or volume?
In the silence revisited from deep within
There is nothing
Transcending even joy

Wednesday, September 4, 2013

One hour of sky

Today I come in thanks for one drop of grace
Amidst pain and farewell
And pavement and rotting leaves
I drank in one full hour
Of my urgent September sky

So many things have come 
To battle me, to knock me down
Yet I stand strong, smiling against odds
Then the gentle breeze of dusk
Sends me sobbing to my knees

You are here, you will be here
This is all yours, these cries,
This reverie, this context, this trouble
All this and more, so much more,
So much precious

If it is only a pebble to you, I implore you,
Hold it as a ruby; but even if you kick it
With your gold-sandaled feet,
Scattering it into anonymity,
It cannot be destroyed

In the same scope of eternity,
September is forever yours--
All but my one hour
Of urgent, scathing, melting,
soothing sapphire autumn sky.

Friday, May 31, 2013

Waking up

I have nothing in my hands to hand over to you.
These dreams you have - they are already yours.
The songs you know - they are those you have sung.
I would give you a gift, for I love you already
But I have nothing to give you.

I am ashamed at my lack of preparation
For this moment; I knew it was coming
And soon it will be complete, but I was not
I could not, I could never be ready.
Please excuse my faux pas.

Wise words I could share,
Hearkening back to my adolescence
And the day you were born.
But they would be in vain, as you know more than I
And I would say everything wrong if I tried.

I can imagine what you would ask for,
If asking was what one did in times like these:
Endless sunsets, azure skies
And love, more infinite and sparkling
These are the things you deserve.

Like the drummer-boy of old, all I have
Are my songs. And yet even they are inadequate,
I would trip over notes, misinterpret,
Unconsciously choose the one that makes you cry.
Even songs are not enough.

Perhaps the only gift I can give
Is material turning to mist
The life of dreams-coming-true as one awakens
I give a shimmer, a shadow,
Then nothingness.

Monday, April 8, 2013

The next illusion


There is a house in my dreams
Deep, rich browns and faded reds
Blue porcelain tea cups and intricate carvings
A stately calmness infuses it all
From the curtains to the teacups
To the hangings on the wall

Somewhere, music is playing
Music from being fifteen,
Yet the way I remember fifteen
Is hardly how it happened at all.
I listen to the song --the relic--
As it fades into a similar, yet new song
Whose language I have yet to fully understand
But have taken on, accepted as mine.

A peace grows within me
Though nothing ever changes
Calm is forever the same
Its fragrance is intoxicating
Yet I am fully sober
Or am I aware at all?
Life is lived in the living
And stops in the moments
Of self-examination

And so in this life I live
This thread I follow
This web I weave
I wake up

To the house of my waking hours
Cream and mustard and faded greens
Sturdy coffee mugs and hand-sewn tapestries
Calmness in the fleeting moments where it is found
And in between that realized time
Dreams fade to mist
And the everyday struggle for peace
Continues until the next moment of introspection
The next moment of rest
The next illusion

Thursday, April 4, 2013

Shy freedom

The world flying by
Still is my mind
Still in my mind
A whole lifetime
Measured in kilometers
And only then in hours
Every minute treasured
But now that I am home, here, safe,
Home is precious,
Now is sacred.

Could you see who I was
Under the veil of night
I could see clearly --
The world is always shadows
And green flecked with gold
Didn't you know?
I fell in love tonight
But it's not what you think
I remembered what it was like to
Come back to the place you always were
To travel round the world and find
All is the same
Same people
Same senses
What came before me, what is, and what will be
Are all one moment
As I fly veiled in this
Shy freedom

Everyone tonight
Believes in what does not exist
It's a little thrilling
A little dishonest
But it's not our fault
We are only here for a second
And we fade out of reality
As soon as the dust settles.
Everyone tonight
Saw the truth but could not know
That the freedom
Success, Capability
So easily assumed away
Was always mine.
Can they see who I am
Can they know my story
In one second before the dust settles?

In the best of all worlds
I loved
For a few minutes
Everything
In the right measure
And you no less
But time above all

(This was written June 20, 2007 and eventually became the song MG Road.)

Sunday, January 6, 2013

Christy's house

If this world were made of patterns
If music and love were equal
They would be the branches
And I would live inside the tree
Hollowed out and shining
Every room is spacious
Polished floor and ceiling
Enveloped in mahogany
And yet so free

Light streams into the spaces
Laughter echoes from within
A life lived out in fullness
In melody and peace
Nothing artificial
Everything is sacred
Effortless is love here
A bliss that does not cease
Nor shall decrease

If music forms the branches
Then that is where I'll live
I'll settle in the leaves
And make a blanket for my rest
I'll sing of the new morning
And echo through the chambers
Then wrap my web around me
Content there in my nest
An honoured guest

I have set it all right

Silence falls at midnight
The curtain goes up
The current moves on
The air is still
Hanging in August urgency
The river calls them onstage
See, it says, I have set it all right
The scene is set perfectly
I have brought the full moon for madness
And the heat in the air for summer
Dew on the branch for winter
Nostalgia has been achieved
See? It is just as designed
The wind is still so words can be heard and remembered
Only the river flows but it's quiet and calm
It's the only thing changing; everything else is waiting
I have created the perfect scene
But the clock is moving, still moving, still moving
And you have not yet come
The river flows on as if this time before times wasn't happening
As if the perfect moment wasn't existing
Then midnight passes and dawn breaks on the horizon
No one came to the celebration of memory
No one has come

The scene occurs in the air
In a time out of time
A place out of place
With traffic and wind and food on their shirts
They will forget to brush their hair
And wear the same clothes as yesterday
The scenery struck long ago
All that's there is a blank space
Improvisation required
But between the spaces the scene will continue
They'll trip over the lines
They'll fumble awkwardly toward the final act
On the black stage in between worlds
And the audience--
The audience will rise to their feet
In thunderous applause

And the river remains lonely
Closes the curtain
And waits for another perfect time
And another perfect day

An indescribable color

Gleam of striking shining silver
Took a hold
In my world of gold
It came unwanted, now I'm haunted
Now that it's faded
I've searched unceasingly
For one glimpse of the brilliance
That has ceased to be
Just one moment for that light to hit my eyes
Just one glance
Descent from opulence
Hypervigilance
The mountaintops shine silver; I follow
The clear blue sky endless; there I go
Knowing endless is madness; it doesn't exist
And it all calms down to a greyish brown
How can I now remember
Once it's all over
The last rays of light have fallen on this autumn world
I am picked up, hurled over thousands of miles
Through the blue, over snow, to the hills and the fields
But only in my mind. My body remains still
Barely shuddering, embracing the last of the fading light
Though I know after night more will refresh my sight
Maybe of a different kind
So face toward the sky
I await through the darkness
The glimmer of morning.